I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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