Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
