I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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