the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
