It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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