I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
