obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
