I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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