You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
