So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
