they need to just BURY HIM!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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