ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
