Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
