I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
