Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
