i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
