Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize