I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cut my penus on the lid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
