Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
