trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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