She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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