is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
