fuck your aforementioned shoe
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize