I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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