Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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