i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
