420 ftw
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
