grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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