Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
