now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
