my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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