sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize