Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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