i just wanna soil my oats bro
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
