I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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