My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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