your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
