You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
