So drunk its hurt
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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