It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
