I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She announced her abortion via fbk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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