I looked at my own cervix.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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