Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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