Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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