I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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