i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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