After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
