Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Come on in and take your pants off
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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