remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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