I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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