i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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