Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
