i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
