i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
