I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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