yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
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