so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
