I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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