you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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