Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just pee around me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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