Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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