I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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