i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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