like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
