Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
