p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
