Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
